My Mental Health and How I’m Feeling | #2

Hello everyone, welcome back

Today I have decided to do another of these posts as it has been two months since I posted my last so I thought I’d give you an update of everything because quite a few things have changed.

In my last mental health post I mentioned my struggle with maths and actually attending college and college basically being a big obstacle for me to tackle everyday. Things have changed a little bit with that in mind.
Coming to college now is easier. When I wrote my last post, things were difficult in college due to my tutor being off and there being a big workload in his absence. As well as that, there was college drama which  I will not be mentioning at all on this blog. (Purely because its pointless putting it on the internet and basically putting everything on here)

On Thursday of last week (16th) I attended my first counselling session, which went well but basically made me an anxious wreck. All I’ll say is I’m going to counselling to help my anxiety within college, and hopefully it’ll help me find college easier.

College still isn’t the easiest thing or place for me to go, because the struggles I have with anxiety and I’ll be honest by saying things have been a lot easier recently and I think that’s purely because I’m blocking drama out, and irrelevant people who seem to have made me have that struggle of coming into college.

In other things, I have only had one attack in the past month and a half which I’m really happy about because when I’m having an attack, I really don’t know what to do with myself and all I can concentrate on is the fact I can’t breathe and my chest is closing in on me, and its the only thing on my mind when having an attack, nevermind trying to calm the attack itself.

I think what has helped me most is the fact I’ve been surrounding myself with friends and my friendship group from high school (We’ve stayed friends all through primary and high school, and still going strong) and they really help me when I’m feeling crappy. In college I quite literally have three people in my class who are always there when I feel down.

Something else that I think has really helped is I have recently gotten in a relationship, and after my last relationship, I have been so scared of getting hurt again and the best thing for me is the fact I can trust him so so much and when I’m around him I feel like I can relax and be myself and feel safe and good about myself. He’s a very important person to me and I adore him so much. (If you’re reading this, I can’t thank you enough and I love you <3 )

So to tell you honestly, I’m feeling so much better the last couple of months and I want to thank everyone who has helped me the past month or two. You’re incredible.

Thankyou all very much for reading,

Until next time,

~Abi

 

A Letter To My College Friends – 20/11/16

Dear friends,

Its currently midnight and instead of sleeping, I’m writing this…. whilst listening to a sad playlist on Spotify… Oops

I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for each and every one of you.

Before college, high school life was shit. (We are yet to have a heart to heart about this) High school was full of bullshit, liars, arguments and two faced people. The environment is different in college… from the tutors to the students to the layout of the college altogether.

The thing that stands out however, is the attitude and ways of the people around me who alter my day to day life…

Without any of you I’d probably be alone (as sad as it sounds) and feeling lost. You all know I have a few other friends in the college from my high school and don’t get me wrong, they’re great and supportive every step of the way. Coming into the MPJ course has seriously had an impact on me and the person I am.

I’m really not sure what else to say.

Thank you for everything you’ve all done for me the past couple of months, and thank you for an amazing friendship I’ll be able to forever cherish. Thank you for contributing to who I am now. Thank you for all attempting to cheer me up when I’m feeling down and crappy.

Time is a crazy thing and will always continue to baffle me.

You’re all amazing people. Lots of love ♡

~ Abi 

(I’ll probably also get in trouble for not mentioning Craig & Joe – so thank you both for believing in all of us.)

Self Confidence

Hey everyone,
Long time no blog haha!

As you can tell, I’m going to talk about self confidence because I think it’s so important people embrace their natural look and body shape and figure and all that kind of stuff.

I’ll start with a clear example of myself. When my adult teeth began to come through, they grew so they tilted like a V shape. I never smiled with my teeth because I hated them more than anything. They felt like my biggest flaw because I was bullied about them, I was told I had horse teeth. But after hearing it so much, I decided to sod all these people because their opinions don’t matter to me about my own personal flaws. I’ve learnt to appreciate my smile and use it as much as possible every day to make myself feel better. (And to make sure I don’t look like a bitch if someone smiles at me and I don’t smile back ?)

My second biggest flaw was my weight and my size. For my age, I was unusually skinny in years 7 and 8. My trousers hung off me like parachutes and nothing fitted me. I spent my time trying to figure out how to hide the fact I didn’t have boobs like the rest of the girls in my year, I tried to figure out how I could possibly make myself look a little chunkier but it never happened. To this day I don’t manage to put weight on much because of how much of a picky eater I am. If anyone remembers, there was a site called AskFM where you could anonymously send in questions to people. I joined this site to answer the daily questions only. However, people found my profile and I received messages like “Skinny anorexic cow, go die.” This made me so upset for so long and I was scared to go to school. But after being bullied for so long, I shook it off. People still try to bully me to this day and I laugh it off because I see it as people being pathetic and trying to hurt someone else because they have nothing better to do than bully and pick on others. 

What I’m trying to get at is if you’re going through or have been through the same situations I have, remember to look after yourself because as someone once told me – ‘Always look after number one. It is the most important rule to life.’ If you want to talk to me, please don’t hesitate to message me on any form of social media or leave a comment below with your social media username and I’ll be sure to have a conversation with you.

I felt this was an important post to make because so many young adults like myself go through much worse than what I did and they lead themselves to doing things out of the ordinary to themselves. 

I appreciate every one of you and you all deserve the absolute bestest things in life and if anyone tries to rain on your parade, shake them off and laugh because you’re the one in the better.

xx – A
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