My Experience with Counselling | AbiSays

Good evening all.

This is a slight spontaneous post and really unplanned. I decided to write about counselling and my experience with it to sort of get a point across that it isn’t always rays of sunshine and that it doesn’t necessarily help everyone.

I started counselling about a month ago and decided to discharge myself due to me not being happy at all.

I went into counselling to try and find the source of my anxiety in college and general everyday life.

To give you a brief outline, I found myself very anxious during college time for a good 3 – 4 months during the time my anxiety was at its peak. Counselling was a very controversial thing for me because I couldn’t decide on what exactly it was I wanted to do about it.

My personal tutor  (who isn’t my personal tutor anymore but he needs to be) suggested a few times to me to try speaking to someone. I however, decided not to for 2 of those months purely because the thought of speaking to someone was something that scared me. I’m not one to cry to people about the way I feel, but my anxiety really didn’t make me comfortable in college and I had a fear of having a panic attack practically everywhere I went.

So to get into my counselling experience- To start with, I didn’t have a very comfortable start because I basically told my counsellor everything that was happening in my head. They (not saying if my counsellor was male or female – personal preference) of course listened to me, and I left that room feeling worse than when I went in.

The second time I thought would be a little better and slightly more chilled. Again, I just didn’t like the way my thoughts were played with, if you will. Counselling made me think things I didn’t want to be thinking about and I don’t like thinking about things in depth as it is because I’m such a bad over thinker!

As well as not making me feel the best, it caused me stress and bursts of complete sadness and being down, because I was missing my Thursday afternoon sessions, which considering I only see this tutor once a week, these Thursday sessions are pretty important to me.

I wasn’t a fan of the over thinking and the way my thoughts were toyed with. I can’t explain it very well, (I’m bad with words I’m sorry) but after the first 4 weeks I decided it wasn’t what I wanted at all.

If you have any experiences with counselling you’d like to share, please do so. Lots of people have the same trouble I did and since not going I can honestly say I’ve been so much happier.

Its noy very lengthy but thank you very much for reading this post. I hope it helped someone ♡

Until next time,

~Abi♡

My Mental Health and How I’m Feeling | #2

Hello everyone, welcome back

Today I have decided to do another of these posts as it has been two months since I posted my last so I thought I’d give you an update of everything because quite a few things have changed.

In my last mental health post I mentioned my struggle with maths and actually attending college and college basically being a big obstacle for me to tackle everyday. Things have changed a little bit with that in mind.
Coming to college now is easier. When I wrote my last post, things were difficult in college due to my tutor being off and there being a big workload in his absence. As well as that, there was college drama which  I will not be mentioning at all on this blog. (Purely because its pointless putting it on the internet and basically putting everything on here)

On Thursday of last week (16th) I attended my first counselling session, which went well but basically made me an anxious wreck. All I’ll say is I’m going to counselling to help my anxiety within college, and hopefully it’ll help me find college easier.

College still isn’t the easiest thing or place for me to go, because the struggles I have with anxiety and I’ll be honest by saying things have been a lot easier recently and I think that’s purely because I’m blocking drama out, and irrelevant people who seem to have made me have that struggle of coming into college.

In other things, I have only had one attack in the past month and a half which I’m really happy about because when I’m having an attack, I really don’t know what to do with myself and all I can concentrate on is the fact I can’t breathe and my chest is closing in on me, and its the only thing on my mind when having an attack, nevermind trying to calm the attack itself.

I think what has helped me most is the fact I’ve been surrounding myself with friends and my friendship group from high school (We’ve stayed friends all through primary and high school, and still going strong) and they really help me when I’m feeling crappy. In college I quite literally have three people in my class who are always there when I feel down.

Something else that I think has really helped is I have recently gotten in a relationship, and after my last relationship, I have been so scared of getting hurt again and the best thing for me is the fact I can trust him so so much and when I’m around him I feel like I can relax and be myself and feel safe and good about myself. He’s a very important person to me and I adore him so much. (If you’re reading this, I can’t thank you enough and I love you <3 )

So to tell you honestly, I’m feeling so much better the last couple of months and I want to thank everyone who has helped me the past month or two. You’re incredible.

Thankyou all very much for reading,

Until next time,

~Abi

 

Misuse of Feeling Anxious

Hello everyone welcome back to my “new” blog. I say “blog” because my dad has helped me convert this site to a self hosted site. I am now abisays.co.uk and I’m very happy to be back blogging.

Tonight’s post is however going to be a little serious than normal.

The past few weeks with college and anxiety have been absolute hell and extremely hard for me to cope with and there have been many times in the past two weeks where I’ve had to try so hard to stop myself from breaking down in college around my friends. I’m terrified of having an attack in college and I had one on the first day back which was hard for me to cope with because I basically had a teacher shouting at me in front of a whole class but I won’t say anymore to avoid me getting into trouble.

Since then it has purely been a case of me having to keep everything in and try to control my anxiousness and nervous state and conceal it from fellow classmates.

Something which does bug me however, is people who misuse the term of being anxious. I don’t think people understand being anxious isn’t just being nervous. It’s a whole bunch of things on top of that altogether.

When I’m anxious, my chest becomes extremely tight incredibly fast and it feels like someone has their hands squishing my lungs as hard as they can. I shake uncontrollably and can’t concentrate on my breathing. I get a sharp pain in my chest too just under the rib cage and I become dizzy and my palms get clammy and yes, I do feel nervous but I don’t know why.

The thing is with my anxiety, I could be quite happy one minute and the next I’m having an attack for no reason at all even if I have absolutely nothing to be anxious about. I can’t control myself at all in this state. I have to let it ease and no matter what people offer me, nothing works. The only thing I can do is try and get my breathing back to normality and try and cope on my own.

I know some of you are probably wondering why I don’t go and find someone when I’m feeling anxious in college or when I’m in class. That it’s purely because I can’t get up and leave because I feel like I’m attention seeking and that is the last thing I want. I don’t want people coming to me after I come back in and pestering me about why I got up and left. I’m physically scared to get up, tell the teacher I’m anxious and feel an attack coming and go. I have to sit there in the state I’m in and control it the very best I possibly can which is of course absolutely ridiculous and something I need to sort out and try and get over.

In college I have been offered counselling about three times and this final time I decided to take it on. I believe college can help me get over this horrid state I am when I’m anxious much better than what they could in high school  (another post coming on that soon). I’ll update on how I’m feeling very soon but for now this has been the constant me at least once every day since going back to college.

Sorry to end on such a shaky note, I hope this post has helped some people understand what anxiety attacks really feel like. If you ever need any help or advice at all please please don’t fret from sending me an email- abimoss14@gmail.com or inboxing me on Twitter or Instagram which address both @abim0ss.

I’ll speak to you all soon.

With love,

~Abi ♡

Next time you think you’re anxious or tell someone you’re anxious please please consider what I’ve said in this post – because even I can’t get up and tell anyone I’m feeling anxious when I am. 

Why I Love December | Blogmas Days 16 & 17

Hello everyone, welcome back.

Today I have a post about why I love December so much. This is also an apology for not posting  yesterday so I’m aiming to make this quite a lengthy post to make up for it.

I love love every season in many ways and every year something changes for me about each season and each month.

First off, the change in temperature is obviously a massive one. Every morning when I leave for college at 7.15am, it is absolutely freezing and it feels like my nose will genuinely fall off from frosting! The wind is sometimes too chilly for my liking, but other times it is more of a nice, fresh wind which doesn’t make me want to run to the nearest house and cuddle up in a blanket.
At the moment in the UK, the temperature is so confusing. I think it must have been last week where the temperature around my local area was something like 13 degrees to at least 14/15, which is absolutely insane. However, that temperature didn’t really last long and dropped as soon as people started appreciating it. For me the temperature falling is great because it means I can wear big fluffy bulky coats and lovely warm jumpers and buy think scarves to basically strangle myself to make sure I’m kept warm!

I’ve had the same winter coat for about two years now because I don’t personally think its necessary to go out and buy a new coat every year just for the winter time. I love mine as it was in a massive sale where it used to be something around £30 from the F&F range in Tesco and its lasted me so long and its generally great for the winter months from October to February.

The next thing I love about December is the lights on the houses. For example, I really love warm toned lights where you can look at your Christmas Tree and really appreciate the vast difference of the temperature of your home compared to the temperature of the outside world. When I’m walking past houses where people have their Christmas tree up, I love to take a few seconds to look at it. I mainly like the warm tones because again, I just think they make you feel warm and it gives you a Christmas feel!

I don’t like icy cold lights based around cold colours – like white or light blue because they just give such a cold atmosphere and if I’m being honest, they’re uncomfortable to look at. (Personal preference – please don’t kill me if you absolutely adore icy blue white lights)

The warm drinks have to be one of my favourite things about December because you can drink as many cold drinks as you please and not feel guilty about how much tea or coffee or hot chocolate you drank that day. My personal favourite this month has definitely been buying a Mint Hot Chocolate from Costa Coffee (I get a medium size every time) and they’re £3.55 so you can’t really go wrong in all honesty. My mum also bought sachets of mint hot chocolate to try and save me from spending so much on the Costa drinks…Oops.

I think the next best thing about December has to be the festivity that appears so suddenly every year, and how fast December flies by. It is currently the 17th when I’m writing and posting this and that means there is a week until Christmas Eve and then obviously eight days until Christmas Day which is absolutely insane. This month has absolutely flown and the festivity I think has quite literally come out of no where. There are so many people doing Blogmas and Vlogmas and anything with ‘Mas’ on the end to try and make their content as festive as possible and this year I’m doing it myself and trying my very best to upload something to my blog everyday.
In the town where I live, we have a Christmas tree in the centre of town. Last year it was amazing and big and huge and impressive. This year it just looks like a bog standard pine tree someone decided to go and chop down. So – the residents of the town have tried to make that tree as festive as possible and bring some festive positivity to the little tree and its been so lovely watching people go into the town to buy baubles and tinsel and all sorts to put on the tree, and parents are contributing with their children to allow them to know the good in Christmas.

Finally, the last thing I love about December is the earlier nights and how it gets dark so much faster. For me, this means I can get home and snuggle up with a warm drink to keep me going for the night rather than being cold and having a cold drink instead of a hot one. (If that makes sense!)
When I get the bus home after a long day of college, (the bus turns up / should turn up at 4:45 and I get home around 6) getting off the bus and walking down past the local park is really quite eerie and dark and sometimes foggy and I think getting home from being in the darkness is something I love and I really don’t quite understand why. The warmth of my house always fogs my glasses up too, which shows how cold it really is outside! Even on the weekends I notice the darkness more. It is now 3:29 and I can already tell from the colour of the sky its beginning to get dark already and I’ve been up for seven hours and had seven hours of daylight since being awake. The other 9 hours left of the day will be spent in darkness. How strange.

Anyway!

At the moment, I have written 978 words so this post is getting a wee bit long and I still have a featured image to edit. Also, I just want to thank everyone for all the lovely comments I’ve received recently and all the likes on my various posts. I really appreciate it and it really gives me the motivation to carry this blog on for you all to enjoy and read.

Thank you all for reading and I hope you have a lovely last festive week before Christmas dawns on us next Sunday!

Until next time,

~Abi

A Mini Haul | Blogmas Day 15

Hello all, welcome back.

Again I apologise for this post being late. This evening has consisted of chilling after a semi-stressful week and wrapping more presents.

Today I’m going to share with you a few bits I got this week because I got a couple of things for myself and a few from my college Secret Santa.

First off I got a Black Seaweed Peel off face mask from Superdrug because they’re 99p and you can’t go wrong. I got this one because it said it was suitable for oily skin which is a combination I have (combined with normal) so I decided to try it out. I took this photo whilst wearing the mask and it has definitely left my face less oily and slightly more matte which I love.

I then got another because again, you can’t go wrong. I love peel off masks purely for the fact they’re easier to take off and they’re satisfying to peel!

Eden got me a few bits for secret santa so she got me these bath fizzes which smell amazing.

This gorgeous lipstick from ‘Deluxe’ in ’09 Chicago’. And she also got me coffee because I like coffee as mentioned in ‘My Sudden Love for Coffee’ post.

I also got a chocolate bar from my friend Ruth and I’ve demolished it so here’s a picture of when the wrapper contained chocolate….

And finally Megan got me this adorable keyring of Thor and I’m in love and she’s made my day and I love her to pieces so again thank you Meg!

I’m so grateful to my lovely college friends for getting me bits and pieces! It’s honestly so lovely of you all.

I again apologise for not a very lengthy post. Let me know in the comments if you prefer shorter or longer blog posts.

Until next time,

~Abi♡

~

Contact me at abimoss14@gmail.com ♡

My Mental Health and How I’m Feeling | Blogmas Day 14

Hello everyone welcome back.

I apologise for uploading so late but I’ve been busy with wrapping presents and responding to an exciting email!

I just wanted to put a post together talking about my mental health currently and where I feel I stand with it and just generally how I’m feeling.

So.

Currently at this moment, my main college tutor has been signed off for two weeks following the ceiling falling on his head. (Unfortunate – I know) Meaning I’m stressed and down and really not sure what is and what’s not getting marked whilst the other tutors teach us.

This is immensely caving on me right now and I’ve had a breakdown last week where I just lost it and cried and pondered for hours how much work there really is to do. Without my tutor being in, our whole class is quite literally stumped.

This has effected me badly as I’m finding it harder and harder to make it to college everyday because I have no motivation to get work done.

I’m also studying maths (again) in college because I need a C and the college are refusing to let me get anyway with it because this is my third time sitting the maths foundation paper. (I’m from North Wales meaning I sat the exam in year 10 and 11. My College is in cheshire and they’ve only sat it once.) Maths on top of everything brings me right down. My tutor is an arse (sorry) and my class is hard to work in because of people in it. I’ve hardly attended maths meaning my attendance is dropping- giving me another thing to worry about and it’s really not fun at all.  I’m not good with numbers. I want to work with photography and journalism and the media in general and I really don’t see the point in studying maths on top of studying a level 3 course.

Today at the present moment of writing this post (23.17PM G.M.T December 14th) I’m feeling okay in my head. I feel like the clouds are moving in and out constantly and never really leave my mind as a rend clear sky if you will.

I’m surrounded by the right people, just not necessarily the environment is working for me.

My blog I feel is somewhere I can come if I’m feeling down and just type my feelings onto the Internet and be okay with it because that’s what I want to do.  But in other cases I feel I’m putting myself in danger and then think people I know will see my posts and interpret them completely different to how I want to come across…

~

I’m sorry for all my blubber and randomness within this post. I’m just not entirely sure how to feel day in day out and put a brave face on and hope for the best… because it really confuses me and my brain and my emotions are everywhere.

I don’t want to make this a ridiculously long post because I simply don’t want to blubber on for a century. I had nothing to write about tonight so I decided to give you a mental health update and I hope that’s okay.

Again – till next time,

Thanks for reading

~Abi ♡

Contact me at abimoss14@gmail.com

Anxiety | My Experiences & Advice. | Pt 2

Hello everyone, 

Continuing my last post which you can find here.

Last night I spoke of my experiences with anxiety. I’ve decided to leave one experience which is again really rotated around generalised anxiety. This experience was my first one with social anxiety. 

A few weeks ago I went to London with my family. (I suppose you can see where this is going) As we were about half an hour from the city, we had to travel on trains and tubes on the underground. I was fine for the first 2 days but as we got to the 3rd day, London was so ridiculously busy that I couldn’t hold it together in the masses and masses of people. Again, my breath seemed harder to obtain and my chest became tight and the tears burst through. 

I can’t even begin to stress how much it freaked me out. Thankfully, my mum caught on and helped me slow down my breathing. If this ever happens to anyone of you, please please ask a friend to help you catch your breath or to help you slow it down so you can follow their breathing. This really helped me out and I definitely recommend you do this too. 

My Advice

Something I have held off for a very long time is going to visit a GP or doctor. As soon as you think something is wrong, please go and see someone or talk to someone about it. I have people I can talk to this matter about and they’ve been absolutely brilliant to help me out in the times I’ve wanted to research what was really happening. 

Here I have a link to G.A.D – click here . I haven’t managed to find one for social but as soon as I find one I will be sure to let you all know. 

My next piece of advice is letting your friends know but keeping it quiet. There have been times where I have let things get out of hand with me talking about it to my friends. I recommend only telling friends you feel comfortable with them knowing. Also, explain a little how you’re feeling and if you have been to the doctors and they’ve told you what you’re dealing with, explain it to your friends but maybe only mention it once. 

If you have any questions, please leave a comment below. It can be about anything and I’ll be more than happy to reply.

Thank you for reading! Have a lovely day :’)

~Abi ❤️

Anxiety | My Experiences & Advice

Hello all, 

Recently a lovely reader contacted me and asked for some advice and what my experiences had been with anxiety. Therefore, I decided it was only right to write about it and tell you guys my experiences and also make some points too.

So many people who haven’t actually experienced anxiety have assumed you’re nervous and scared about many things but there’s so much more to just that.  There are different forms of anxiety – such as generalised anxiety disorder, (or G.A.D for short) or social anxiety and many other forms people don’t research into.

My Experiences

So what have my experiences been? I’ll tell you how I believe my anxiety began to spring up and how I thought I knew something was wrong.

In 2009 (when I was 9 years old) I went on a family holiday to Centre Parks. It was of course a brilliant holiday for me and my family. However, on the way home from the holiday we were involved in a car crash. I remember almost all of it and the trip in the ambulance to the hospital. This was the first situation I found myself feeling anxious about car journeys- especially long ones. In fact, I’m in the car right now writing this and I’m still looking up every now and then to check we won’t crash. 

Since then I have been anxious about being in the car and as I said,especially to places that are a good few hours away. I’ve only ever found myself in one situation where I have had to try and calm down from almost witnessing a car crash. (I’m never watching Mean Girls again after that happened)

Back in 2014, I did a Christmas school production of Scrooge! The Musical. In the lead up to it I did begin to feel nervous which is of course, completely normal. However, my friend went into hospital and I found myself at one of the rehearsals beginning to worry about her, and starting to think about the bad things that could happen to her. This put me in a state where I would burst into tears even if I wasn’t thinking about her or her state. (She is fine now – just to let you all know). 

When I began to feel “nervous” about the show, I found myself in endless states of random shakes, and my breathing would increase to a pace I couldn’t slow down which made my chest very tight and I began to find it even harder to grasp my breath. I started to feel light headed and finding myself panicking before the opening night and the closing night. 

Of course, I went to the doctors. Due to the way my chest had been behaving and reacting to these moments of panic, I found out I was asthmatic. (Which didn’t help with the shows as I was in pretty much every song) 

Even after the shows I found myself anxious about exams, stress, my results and how my future would pan out – which again is normal for someone in the middle of their first GCSE year. Back then, I think the only major thing in my eyes back then was the fact I didn’t know what was going on.

 As a person, I was never someone to hide away from the crowd and shy away so during the shows I wouldn’t even class them as panic attacks or anxiety now. I think the main reason I began to feel anxious back then was because Scrooge was the first “major” show I had done. Now I look at it and think it was definitely nerves more than anything. 

The next most recent experience after the show was a pantomime I did with my drama group in 2015. During these shows I wasn’t as anxious as I could have been. The opening night was pretty scary for me as we had a damn big audience so there were an awful lot of people I had to cope with. I had solos during these shows and I also had a mini principle role whilst being in the chorus. 

I found myself to be okay during this time – until the last night where one of the chorus members decided to make me look like a complete and utter fool. In the chorus, I played a villager and an evil sister. Being an evil sister meant I had to look as scruffy as possible with my hair. I had to backcomb my hair to try and make it a little bushy and wild. 

I had just finished my hair when one of the chorus members came over to me and told me my hair wasn’t big enough so she grabbed me and pulled me over to sit so she could do my hair. When I say I looked like you could have found me in the forest as a bush would definitely be me saying that perfectly. 

I went out on stage with hair bigger than everyone else’s. Apparently I looked like everyone else but of course my inner thoughts disagreed. I can’t really name this as to what I think it was but I think there was an element of social anxiety in there to make me worry about my appearance and what people might think. 

After the show I found myself sat in front of the mirror for a good 45 minutes brushing the strands of my hair back to its somewhat normal state. It took 3 days for all those knots and kinks to come out. (Thankfully that girl isn’t coming back for panto this year!)
This post has been sooo long! I’m going to make a second post with 2 other of my experiences and then my advice to you if you have found you have felt these symptoms. 

Click here for the second post 

See you soon!

~Abi

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