Here’s the Thing| Abi Says

The human brain and mind are a very interesting combination.

They make you think, make you realise and understand things in our strange messed up world in more detail and why you’re feeling sad and why you’re angry and you’re down.

Today dodie uploaded a video – ‘confessions’ and I started to write a comment. That splurged out into something I wasn’t expecting at all. I decided to share it with you all. To let it out and see if I feel any better in the slightest.

It’s 02:02 am here in Brisbane. I was about to sleep but there’s a storm and it’s loud and annoying and the wind it’s whistling which I guess is kind of calming. Therapeutic I suppose. Your video is what I needed. I needed that other person to tell me I’m not the only one keeping myself awake on my phone until stupid o clock in the morning. I’ve had my heart broke twice. I don’t trust people enough for them to ‘heal’ me. I do a lot for people who throw it back at me and I don’t know why. I try to help my sister adjust to this new life in Australia. How lucky we are. How much of a big opportunity this is for us. She throws all advice back in my face. I helped her with RS homework today because I understand it well enough to help her. I did very well in GCSE RS so it was only right I help her. Thank you for uploading again. It might not be much as you stated on Twitter, but it’s enough.

Dodie you have helped me through mental health without you even knowing who on earth I am. To me you’re like that person you need in life. To tell you it’s okay and the broken feeling will mend slowly but surely but not 100%. My head is mushed. Anxiety is shit and I’m not sure what’s happening in my head. But thank you. So much. You’re beautiful as a person and visually too. I’m struggling a lot at the moment. And not a lot of people know that at all. Sorry for the worlds longest comment – I think I started commenting and everything sort of splurged.

❣️

Dodie is the most incredible YouTuber I have watched grow over the last 4 years. Her friends contributing too, have made my life into a more positive one – simply through what they talk about on their channels.

Daniel J Layton is like the best friend I need. The best friend I want. And dodie is like the big sister I wanted. I don’t like being the eldest. I would have loved an older sibling to go to and have as my best friend. Don’t get me wrong my younger brother and sister are amazing. But I feel trapped being the eldest. It’s weird.

I want to make more out of this life. I want to make a difference and help my brother and sister learn the lessons I learnt. But it seems so hard.

This post wasn’t supposed to have gone up tonight, there was going to be another but I decided it was important for me, mentally, to get this out. Write a post and be seriously real.

Everything seems surreal still – I live in Australia. From living in such a small town where everyone knew basically everyone, to knowing no one except my family & another family of 5 who were our old next door neighbours when I was a baby.

I promise to do a college update and I have a post scheduled for Friday. I’m writing this on my phone but I’ll edit a featured image tomorrow.

Thankyou for reading. Congrats if you made it this far.

Need someone to talk to?

Here’s my Twitter ❤️ @abim0ss

Until next time,

Abi xx

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