My Experience with Counselling | AbiSays

Good evening all.

This is a slight spontaneous post and really unplanned. I decided to write about counselling and my experience with it to sort of get a point across that it isn’t always rays of sunshine and that it doesn’t necessarily help everyone.

I started counselling about a month ago and decided to discharge myself due to me not being happy at all.

I went into counselling to try and find the source of my anxiety in college and general everyday life.

To give you a brief outline, I found myself very anxious during college time for a good 3 – 4 months during the time my anxiety was at its peak. Counselling was a very controversial thing for me because I couldn’t decide on what exactly it was I wanted to do about it.

My personal tutor  (who isn’t my personal tutor anymore but he needs to be) suggested a few times to me to try speaking to someone. I however, decided not to for 2 of those months purely because the thought of speaking to someone was something that scared me. I’m not one to cry to people about the way I feel, but my anxiety really didn’t make me comfortable in college and I had a fear of having a panic attack practically everywhere I went.

So to get into my counselling experience- To start with, I didn’t have a very comfortable start because I basically told my counsellor everything that was happening in my head. They (not saying if my counsellor was male or female – personal preference) of course listened to me, and I left that room feeling worse than when I went in.

The second time I thought would be a little better and slightly more chilled. Again, I just didn’t like the way my thoughts were played with, if you will. Counselling made me think things I didn’t want to be thinking about and I don’t like thinking about things in depth as it is because I’m such a bad over thinker!

As well as not making me feel the best, it caused me stress and bursts of complete sadness and being down, because I was missing my Thursday afternoon sessions, which considering I only see this tutor once a week, these Thursday sessions are pretty important to me.

I wasn’t a fan of the over thinking and the way my thoughts were toyed with. I can’t explain it very well, (I’m bad with words I’m sorry) but after the first 4 weeks I decided it wasn’t what I wanted at all.

If you have any experiences with counselling you’d like to share, please do so. Lots of people have the same trouble I did and since not going I can honestly say I’ve been so much happier.

Its noy very lengthy but thank you very much for reading this post. I hope it helped someone ♡

Until next time,

~Abi♡

Misuse of Feeling Anxious

Hello everyone welcome back to my “new” blog. I say “blog” because my dad has helped me convert this site to a self hosted site. I am now abisays.co.uk and I’m very happy to be back blogging.

Tonight’s post is however going to be a little serious than normal.

The past few weeks with college and anxiety have been absolute hell and extremely hard for me to cope with and there have been many times in the past two weeks where I’ve had to try so hard to stop myself from breaking down in college around my friends. I’m terrified of having an attack in college and I had one on the first day back which was hard for me to cope with because I basically had a teacher shouting at me in front of a whole class but I won’t say anymore to avoid me getting into trouble.

Since then it has purely been a case of me having to keep everything in and try to control my anxiousness and nervous state and conceal it from fellow classmates.

Something which does bug me however, is people who misuse the term of being anxious. I don’t think people understand being anxious isn’t just being nervous. It’s a whole bunch of things on top of that altogether.

When I’m anxious, my chest becomes extremely tight incredibly fast and it feels like someone has their hands squishing my lungs as hard as they can. I shake uncontrollably and can’t concentrate on my breathing. I get a sharp pain in my chest too just under the rib cage and I become dizzy and my palms get clammy and yes, I do feel nervous but I don’t know why.

The thing is with my anxiety, I could be quite happy one minute and the next I’m having an attack for no reason at all even if I have absolutely nothing to be anxious about. I can’t control myself at all in this state. I have to let it ease and no matter what people offer me, nothing works. The only thing I can do is try and get my breathing back to normality and try and cope on my own.

I know some of you are probably wondering why I don’t go and find someone when I’m feeling anxious in college or when I’m in class. That it’s purely because I can’t get up and leave because I feel like I’m attention seeking and that is the last thing I want. I don’t want people coming to me after I come back in and pestering me about why I got up and left. I’m physically scared to get up, tell the teacher I’m anxious and feel an attack coming and go. I have to sit there in the state I’m in and control it the very best I possibly can which is of course absolutely ridiculous and something I need to sort out and try and get over.

In college I have been offered counselling about three times and this final time I decided to take it on. I believe college can help me get over this horrid state I am when I’m anxious much better than what they could in high school  (another post coming on that soon). I’ll update on how I’m feeling very soon but for now this has been the constant me at least once every day since going back to college.

Sorry to end on such a shaky note, I hope this post has helped some people understand what anxiety attacks really feel like. If you ever need any help or advice at all please please don’t fret from sending me an email- abimoss14@gmail.com or inboxing me on Twitter or Instagram which address both @abim0ss.

I’ll speak to you all soon.

With love,

~Abi ♡

Next time you think you’re anxious or tell someone you’re anxious please please consider what I’ve said in this post – because even I can’t get up and tell anyone I’m feeling anxious when I am. 

College Morning Routine | Winter | AD

Hello everyone, happy new year!

Today I have a post to share with you about my college morning routine for the winter time because as the season comes in, days are shorter and nights are longer and if we’re all completely honest, waking up and going to sleep hardly make any difference!

6:30am

My morning starts at half six when I am awoken with my 6.30 alarm. (My alarm is Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran – if you were curious) At this point, I pretty much refuse to wake up and get ready and face the day because I really can’t be bothered leaving my lovely warm bed. I usually wait till its around 6:35 to give me some time to reply to any messages from overnight or emails, and then hop (slowly and reluctantly) out of bed  to get myself dressed.

6:45

By the time I’m dressed, its usually 6:45 and I nip downstairs to get anything I may need from the night before – such as my student ID or a bag or a pair of shoes I want to wear that day. Whilst I’m downstairs I make myself a drink which is usually a small glass of juice or water because I hate drinking anything at all in the morning. Recently I’ve been using the Forza Wheat Grass, Avocado and Cucumber Beauty Care Supplements which are absolutely amazing and make me feel like a normal healthy person! I take one of these in the morning as the box says to take 2 capsules daily with food – so I usually have a couple of biscuits or a small bowl of cereal (provided I have time) and take one of the capsules.

The great thing about these supplements is that they are infused with Zinc to help maintain normal hair, skin, and nails. After I take one of the Forza supplements, I take a Coconut Quench capsule by Regime London and this helps improve and maintain skin hydration and for someone like me this is super important!
The benefits of the Coconut Quench consist of improving skin hydration just after three weeks including the skin and body, and also helps to reduce damage left from cosmetics making it easier to apply makeup.

I’m going to be honest and say the Coconut Quench are definitely the nicer tasting of the two but at the end of the day, it is so worth taking them because of the benefits they both have.

After taking the supplements, I check the time and its usually ten to by this time, so I let our dog out in the back garden for a few minutes, get him back in, dry his paws, and head back upstairs again. My mum is usually awake by this point so I say goodbye to her and my dad before I head out the door.

6:50(ish)

Here is where the rush begins. Time slips away so ridiculously fast in the mornings and I panic about missing the bus. (It’ll happen one day) So with twenty five(ish) minutes to get sorted, I sit on my phone again for a little while and pack my bag and make sure I have all the necessary things I need.

After that’s all done, its usually 7, so my brother and sister will be waking up meaning I need to get into the bathroom and brush my teeth, (which now takes about 5-10 minutes because I have braces meaning I have to make sure my brace is clean) brush my hair and make sure I 100% have everything I need. If I need to or want to, I slip some makeup into a little makeup bag and pop that into my bag for the day.

7:05

With 10 minutes to get downstairs, unlock the door and just generally get ready, I make my way downstairs. Recently I’ve been so obsessed with wearing my scarf and it has been my go to staple for a good few weeks now, and works perfectly for the chilly windy mornings. I grab my scarf and coat from the cupboard and whack those on. I usually forget about my student ID until last second and have to run back upstairs to get it and put it on. (You can’t get anywhere in college without your ID)

I’ve been stirring more towards wearing boots the past few weeks and fluffy socks, so I put those on too.

7:15

The last thing left for me to do is unlock the door, grab my bag and go! The mornings are always super fast and I find myself rushing but I can’t bring myself to wake up any earlier.

So that was my morning routine! Let me know what key things you have to do in the mornings to make sure you’re awake and ready to go! This post was kindly sponsored by Forza and Regime London and you can find their products –

Forza Beauty Care – http://amzn.to/2jD2xPx

Regime London Coconut Quench – http://amzn.to/2jD8Fr6

Thank you all very much for reading and again, a happy new year! Let me know if you want to see a video of this routine!

Until next time,

~Abi

Instagram – @abim0ss

Twitter – @abim0ss

YouTube – Abi Says

*This post was kindly sponsored by Regime London and Forza – thank you to the companies who have sent me their products*

A Mini Haul | Blogmas Day 15

Hello all, welcome back.

Again I apologise for this post being late. This evening has consisted of chilling after a semi-stressful week and wrapping more presents.

Today I’m going to share with you a few bits I got this week because I got a couple of things for myself and a few from my college Secret Santa.

First off I got a Black Seaweed Peel off face mask from Superdrug because they’re 99p and you can’t go wrong. I got this one because it said it was suitable for oily skin which is a combination I have (combined with normal) so I decided to try it out. I took this photo whilst wearing the mask and it has definitely left my face less oily and slightly more matte which I love.

I then got another because again, you can’t go wrong. I love peel off masks purely for the fact they’re easier to take off and they’re satisfying to peel!

Eden got me a few bits for secret santa so she got me these bath fizzes which smell amazing.

This gorgeous lipstick from ‘Deluxe’ in ’09 Chicago’. And she also got me coffee because I like coffee as mentioned in ‘My Sudden Love for Coffee’ post.

I also got a chocolate bar from my friend Ruth and I’ve demolished it so here’s a picture of when the wrapper contained chocolate….

And finally Megan got me this adorable keyring of Thor and I’m in love and she’s made my day and I love her to pieces so again thank you Meg!

I’m so grateful to my lovely college friends for getting me bits and pieces! It’s honestly so lovely of you all.

I again apologise for not a very lengthy post. Let me know in the comments if you prefer shorter or longer blog posts.

Until next time,

~Abi♡

~

Contact me at abimoss14@gmail.com ♡

My Mental Health and How I’m Feeling | Blogmas Day 14

Hello everyone welcome back.

I apologise for uploading so late but I’ve been busy with wrapping presents and responding to an exciting email!

I just wanted to put a post together talking about my mental health currently and where I feel I stand with it and just generally how I’m feeling.

So.

Currently at this moment, my main college tutor has been signed off for two weeks following the ceiling falling on his head. (Unfortunate – I know) Meaning I’m stressed and down and really not sure what is and what’s not getting marked whilst the other tutors teach us.

This is immensely caving on me right now and I’ve had a breakdown last week where I just lost it and cried and pondered for hours how much work there really is to do. Without my tutor being in, our whole class is quite literally stumped.

This has effected me badly as I’m finding it harder and harder to make it to college everyday because I have no motivation to get work done.

I’m also studying maths (again) in college because I need a C and the college are refusing to let me get anyway with it because this is my third time sitting the maths foundation paper. (I’m from North Wales meaning I sat the exam in year 10 and 11. My College is in cheshire and they’ve only sat it once.) Maths on top of everything brings me right down. My tutor is an arse (sorry) and my class is hard to work in because of people in it. I’ve hardly attended maths meaning my attendance is dropping- giving me another thing to worry about and it’s really not fun at all.  I’m not good with numbers. I want to work with photography and journalism and the media in general and I really don’t see the point in studying maths on top of studying a level 3 course.

Today at the present moment of writing this post (23.17PM G.M.T December 14th) I’m feeling okay in my head. I feel like the clouds are moving in and out constantly and never really leave my mind as a rend clear sky if you will.

I’m surrounded by the right people, just not necessarily the environment is working for me.

My blog I feel is somewhere I can come if I’m feeling down and just type my feelings onto the Internet and be okay with it because that’s what I want to do.  But in other cases I feel I’m putting myself in danger and then think people I know will see my posts and interpret them completely different to how I want to come across…

~

I’m sorry for all my blubber and randomness within this post. I’m just not entirely sure how to feel day in day out and put a brave face on and hope for the best… because it really confuses me and my brain and my emotions are everywhere.

I don’t want to make this a ridiculously long post because I simply don’t want to blubber on for a century. I had nothing to write about tonight so I decided to give you a mental health update and I hope that’s okay.

Again – till next time,

Thanks for reading

~Abi ♡

Contact me at abimoss14@gmail.com

A Letter To My College Friends – 20/11/16

Dear friends,

Its currently midnight and instead of sleeping, I’m writing this…. whilst listening to a sad playlist on Spotify… Oops

I can’t begin to explain how grateful I am for each and every one of you.

Before college, high school life was shit. (We are yet to have a heart to heart about this) High school was full of bullshit, liars, arguments and two faced people. The environment is different in college… from the tutors to the students to the layout of the college altogether.

The thing that stands out however, is the attitude and ways of the people around me who alter my day to day life…

Without any of you I’d probably be alone (as sad as it sounds) and feeling lost. You all know I have a few other friends in the college from my high school and don’t get me wrong, they’re great and supportive every step of the way. Coming into the MPJ course has seriously had an impact on me and the person I am.

I’m really not sure what else to say.

Thank you for everything you’ve all done for me the past couple of months, and thank you for an amazing friendship I’ll be able to forever cherish. Thank you for contributing to who I am now. Thank you for all attempting to cheer me up when I’m feeling down and crappy.

Time is a crazy thing and will always continue to baffle me.

You’re all amazing people. Lots of love ♡

~ Abi 

(I’ll probably also get in trouble for not mentioning Craig & Joe – so thank you both for believing in all of us.)

My Sudden Love for Coffee 

 

Hello friends,

In the past week I have found myself to be a sudden coffee lover. My wonderful college friends can back me up with this because I have never (I repeated never) been a coffee drinker.

I always found the smell  extremely appealing but I never liked the taste because of that odd aftertaste you get. (Just me?)

So this is probably the strangest post you’ll ever read but I’ll give you the story anyway.

So last week we had a new girl called Melissa join our class and she was lovely! Thankfully she’s come over to my ‘half’ of the class to my little friendship group and she’s settled right in.

So last week on her first or second day, we went into the Costa in the college and Mel ordered a Caramel Coffee Cooler. She didn’t like it much so I voluntarily decided to have it. I think because I’m a very frequent tea drinker, the coffee must have been a shock to my system.

If you have ever seen Over the Hedge, you’ll know the hamster on there gets very hyped off energy drinks and goes absolutely mental. This is pretty much a good comparison to how I reacted to the coffee. My legs couldn’t stop shaking and I was getting very giddy.

So.

Conclusion.

Don’t give me cold coffee. It’s currently 4.20pm and  I’m on my third cup of coffee of the day so I probably won’t sleep tonight.. ah well.
Just want to give a quick shoutout to the lovely bunch of people who have recently added me to a lovely facebook group so I can connect with different bloggers and interact with new people.

I said I was going to post this at 6pm but I’m changing my mind and I will post it as soon as I finish writing.

Thankyou all so much for reading and following my blog!

I’ll speak to you next week.

🙂

~ Abi

September Favourites!

Hello everyone! Welcome to the second post in #Blogtober16 (Sorry for Blogtober never really happening)

Today I want to share with you my September Favourites as I have a few. These favourites were definitely more beauty based this month.

My first favourite is the Revlon Colour Stay Foundation. Mine is completely gone now and I’ve had this foundation for at least 6 months and not had to buy anything else. It was the perfect match for my skin and was so incredibly easy to blend. I bought mine for £4 from the Factory Shop and usually it retails for £12.99 so I definitely saved myself some money there!

My next favourites are a combo of each other. The first one is the Maybelline Lash Sensational which has also unfortunately  run out and gone dry. This mascara was raved about so so much this time last year and everyone was using it and still today people love the mascara the same. It’s an incredible dupe for the Benefit Rollerlash too! The wands are almost exactly the same and that is something I absolutely love. This mascara retails for £7.99

The second half of the combo is the Astor Seduction Codes mascara. On top of the Lash Sensational, this adds that extra volume and ‘umph’ to your lashes. This mascara was also bought from my local factory shop for £4 which is the regular price for Astor’s brand. However, it is cheaper in other stores online.

My next favourite is odd but it’s been my cactus! This is so strange but I’ve been loving taking care of my cactus because it feels like a chore I have. It is only small which is good because it means I only have to water it 3 times every month which is like once every week during the winter months. It currently isn’t standing upright which is annoying me a bit but it is sat in the sun right now so I hope the sun can straighten it up a bit!

This past month I have also really been enjoying coming home from college and watching Alfie Deyes’ vlogs. I don’t usually like watching Alfie’s vlogs but this month I’ve loved them.

I have also loved just watching vlogs all together!

Those are all my favourites for this month and I know there aren’t that many but I like keeping favourites posts nice and short because I hate when people go off on a tangent!

Again, I’m doing Blogtober so I’ll be posting everyday! I’ve decided my weekend posts will go up at 10am, and my weekday posts will go up at 6pm as I’m in college all week!

Have a lovely day and I hope to see you again soon!

Abi ♡

#DreamCareer | Journalism & Photography

Hello everyone!

Today I wanted to talk to you about my dream career which is journalism.

All throughout my childhood I’ve loved writing stories and mini reports of my day and diary entries which I still love to do today. I get to share my love for writing and journalism online with you guys all throughout my social media platforms which is honestly something just adore!

Journalism I believe is a very quietly spoken about topic in today’s media and news and general topics which disappoints me. Thankfully when I left high school, I was able to find a college in the last two weeks of summer and find a perfect course for me which included journalism.

I’ve recently taken a love for black and white photography thanks to the inspiring tutors I have as well as the incredible documentary photographers I have gotten to know and love the work of. Vivian Maier is my current favourite and her work speaks so loudly and has so much power of influence to me. I have also been loving the work of Sally Mann and Edward Burtynsky.

I want to be able to discuss my views and thoughts through not only words, but pictures too. With a high quality phone camera and a Nikon D3200 I’d like to say I have everything at the tips of my fingers. However, everything takes planning. Naturally as a photographer you take pictures of the world as it is and if you see the perfect opportunity to take a picture you do so immediately which is I think a good thing in photography.

For journalism however, it’s all different and reports take research and careful planning with interviews and all sorts of things.

If you are wanting to write about your dream career, I’d love to read your posts. After you’ve read this blog I’d love for you all to tell me your dream career and then post the link in the comment section. Let’s see what we can make of this.

Till next time,

Abi xo
Ps. I’d love for sittingintheclouds to do this! X

MARINA JOYCE

In the last 12 hours, there has been a massive concern towards the YouTuber Marina Joyce. Reports claim various things but viewers have noticed a drastic change in her behaviour, personality, and confidence. This morning at around 3 /4am a video appeared on Marina’s timeline of her supposedly running from people and claiming the whole event was a set up. You can find that video here

Twitter users and Marina’s viewers have managed to get the concern up to 9th in the worldwide trending column, however in the early hours of this morning it was trending number 1 worldwide. Users have been using #SaveMarinaJoyce and #MarinasCats to talk amongst themselves about the concern of Marina.

Later morning / this afternoon, Marina broadcasted for 40 minutes where she spoke with her viewers on YouNow, and claimed she was perfectly okay. However, during the 40 minutes she spoke, viewers noticed her looking on edge and scared and nervous about someone watching her. Later on at around 2pm, she guested on YouNow with her friend Aaron Currey.

In this broadcast, Aaron’s viewers were very freaked out and noticed a figure appearing in the background around the door. I myself was watching this particular moment and it was scary for myself and the viewers. I believe Aaron had noticed the figure but was so put off by it that he didn’t know what to say to Marina.

Click Here  < for the YouNow clip

In this we see a figure appear at the door and watch Marina. Aaron’s behaviour changes as his voice drops and he becomes more concerned and his speech slows.

All afternoon the hashtag #SaveMarinaJoyce has been non stop blowing up whilst Marina’s personal Twitter remains like a dessert. (@MarinaJoyce7)

Alfie Deyes (@pointlessblog) also tweeted for Marina’s fans to not go to the meetup ‘she had arranged’.

alfie tweet

Marina replied to the tweet and didn’t actually confirm a time or place.

The event was immediately suspicious as she tweeted the start time being 6am. Her followers were immediately on the case and questioning as to why it was so early. A Facebook event was created but media has turned it to believing it may be a set up for an attack on London by ISIS.

There has been such an uproar about this whole story and no one really knows what the truth is. Many reports have said she was found to be fine, however her unusual behaviour suggests completely different. Her fans have assumed she may have had drugs and started becoming schizophrenic after watching her new video (here).
Marina appears to repeat herself within the first 10 seconds of the video and between 12 and 14 seconds, viewers assumed she said “Help me”.

To this point (5:02pm) there has been no additional information from Marina about her health or well being. Will keep updated if there is.

This is a different post but its too important to not spread. The Enfield police have claimed they visited her this morning and assured her fans she is home, well and safe. They say there was no suspicious behaviour from Marina and didn’t think there was anything unusual about her home.

PLEASE KEEP TWEETING #marinascats and #savemarinajoyce on Twitter.

Follow me here and my update account here

-Abi x